The Memorial for Allen M. Starrett, Jr. -- Letting Go

Chris, Ian, Ruby, and I went to NJ for the weekend for Allen's/Pop Pop's memorial service.  We made the trip in record time, 3hrs 32min from Glen Allen to Haddon Heights.  Chris was so ecstatic with the pace we were making on the trip that he could barely keep the pedal to the metal.  It was a busy weekend but the memorial service and boat trip to deliver his ashes offered peace of mind.  The memorial service was lovely and I was touched by the outpouring of support for Shirley, Chris, Allen, and the rest of the family.  It really is remarkable that the Starretts have not lived in Haddon Heights for many years but they are still so well-loved.  It was a tribute to the man Allen was and the whole Starrett family.  Another special tribute was to have the American Flag at half staff in honor of Allen.  Allen served as a police officer and volunteer firefighter in the town of Haddon Heights. 

The memorial service was great because friends and family got a chance to greet Shirley, Allen, and Chris.   Then we had a prayer, and tributes to Allen by Bob Starrett, his brother, Allen Starrett III, Chris, Tim Daly, his friend/colleague, and Shirley.  There was a lot of laughter and some tears but it was a great time to celebrate Allen.  Chris did a great job with his comments and he looked so handsome in his suit.  Christine and I were trying to keep the rowdy grandchildren in line while they were speaking.  Of course, the kids were being entertained by books about trains, race cars, and airplanes.  Pop Pop would've approved of the books but probably not the behavior.  A few memories stand out:

• 10 Starrett children seated in the board room chairs of the Haddon Heights Borough Hall
• Allen's grandchildren (minus Grayson) forming an impromptu train in front of Allen's ashes
• The changing of the guard at Allen's ashes, so special
• Hearing about Allen's wonderful sense of humor and the funny "one liners"
• Ian picking up Pop Pop's ashes and holding them and Christine and I couldn't get to him fast enough.  We were afraid he would throw them or drop them.  Yikes! 
• Bob, Allen, Chris, Tim, and Shirley's remarks about Allen
• Ruby seeing that Mom Mom was crying and climbing into her lap to cuddle with her.  My sweet little comforter, I am so proud. 

We enjoyed a lovely reception at the firehouse.  Chris's cousins, Carl and Lisa, prepared and served the food and everything was so delicious.  Ruby enjoyed seeing the "firefucks".  She kept asking to see them and I couldn't help but laugh at her pronunciation.  I enjoyed seeing the photos of all 3 generations of Allen M. Starretts photographed on the walls of the firehouse. 

Chris, Ian, Ruby, and I then drove "down the shore" to go to the Wildwood NJ boardwalk.  Chris's cousin and his family joined us and we really enjoyed riding the rides and hanging out on the boardwalk.  We also got to hang out briefly with Chris's uncle and his family.  I really enjoy the boardwalk, it is just so full of life and excitement.  Interestingly, Ian wasn't as excited about riding the rides, except for the train he rode 3 times.  He mainly wanted to play those expensive games.  Ruby was willing to go on whatever we took her on.  We stayed out until midnight or later. 

Sunday morning we got up early and went to the Stone Harbor marina to prepare for the boat ride to Allen's favorite fishing spot in the Stone Harbor Bay.  I loved the boat ride and so did Ian and Ruby.  It all just felt so peaceful.  Shirley put the ashes in the water and we all scattered flowers.  We said our goodbyes to Allen/Pop Pop and watched as the biodegradable urn sunk in the water and the flowers scattered and floated away.  As I heard Chris tell his friend, "We let him go."  And it was good. 

An Update

It has been a whole week since my last blog.  It has been an interesting week.

Chris's father, Allen, was admitted to Henrico Doctors' Hospital last Wednesday and was discharged yesterday.  During that time, they did a biopsy on a mass on his lung.  From that they learned that the mass was milignant.  So now he's dealing with 4 blockages in his heart and lung cancer.  After doing a MRI and PET scan they've determined that he has 2 tumors in his lungs, potentially 2 different types of cancer, and cancer in the lymph nodes around the lungs.  But there is no sign of cancer in any other organs, thankfully.  Due to his cardiac status, he is not a candidate for surgery.  Radiation is not an option but chemo is.  Right now they are trying to determine the type of chemo they need to use.  Chris wasn't sure if his father was going to accept chemotherapy treatments but according to his mother, Allen does plan to accept treatments.  Chris was relieved.  Please keep Allen and Shirley, my inlaws, and the rest of the family in your prayers. 

Tonight we learned that Uncle Walt, Shirley's brother, has been hospitalized with heart issues and a concern regarding a mass on his lung.  My goodness, when it rains in pours!  Please send prayers to Uncle Walt and Aunt Peggy and their family. 

Some great news, my Girl's Weekend/Reunion was wonderful.  Meg, Jessica, Josie, and I had an amazing weekend in Myrtle Beach.  We did a lot of talking and catching up.  We did some shopping but mostly, we talked.  I was pleased to finally get Jessica set up with Facebook so I'm hoping we can stay in touch with that.  We are determined to do a better job of getting together.  Time flies. 

From Meg - JanFeb 2010

Thank you to Chris and Shirley, aka Mom Mom, for managing our kiddos so I could be away for the weekend. 

Now, my parents are enjoying the weekdays in Myrtle Beach, I hope.  They will check-out on Friday.  I hope they're enjoying the break from "Snowlaski".  The resort, Marriott's Oceanwatch Villas was so beautiful and very family friendly.  I hope to go back with Chris and the kids.  I was really impressed. 

Other good news, today was the 10 year anniversary of my blind date with Chris.  That is shocking to me.  Where has 10 years gone?  We are so blessed that we met that night.  Neither of us remember the conversation we had at the Triple.  Then we took the 3 roses he brought me (such a gentleman) to my apartment and them moved on to Banditos.  It's like we didn't want the night to end.  He really is so special and we have had so much fun together.  Nothings perfect but I couldn't imagine anyone else as my partner.  We have many years of memories to come. 

I need to get to bed.  They are calling for 1-3 inches of snow here tonight.  I'm interested to see what's on the ground in the morning.

Good News, Bad News

It was a year ago today that I was admitted to the hospital to start steroids and my extensive work-up.  I remember rolling my suitcase down the hall to my hospital room and sitting in my room waiitng for a nurse.  When the nurse came in, she said, "Is the patient in the bathroom?"  I assured her that I was the patient.  I looked liked I was healthy but apparently my spinal cord was not.  I remember Meg coming to "do work" in my hospital room because she couldn't stand to be away.  It was scary but I was determined to find the cause and hopefully stop the strange nerve sensations I'd been feeling.  I also drew strength and courage from Charlotte Reynolds, the 3 year old who had just undergone 2 brain surgeries in the same hospital.  I figured if Charlotte could endure multiple MRIs and spinal taps, I could too. 

So, how did I celebrate?  I got up early; showered with no problems; got the kids to daycare; drove the commute down busy I-95; parked in the parking deck; walked the 4 blocks to my office in the freezing cold; worked for many hours typing w/ ease; walked 2 laps around the state capital (including the stairs); worked the rest of the day at my desk; walked back to the parking deck; climbed the stairs to the 5th floor of the parking deck; drove home; helped with the kid's bedtime; shopped at Target; and now I'm typing my blog.  No meds + no spasms = a happy girl. 

Some concerning news...
My father-in-law, Allen, had his cardiac cath this morning.  The procedure was quick because once they saw the 4 blockages, the abandoned the cath and decided he needed a quadruple bypass.  Scary!  He will stay in the hospital for a week to "stabilize" before the surgery.  They need to deal with the beginnings of emphysema and his elevated sodium level.  They also need to help him stop smoking cigarettes.  They are helping him with medications and oxygen.  Shirl, my mother-in-law, said he was relaxed and comfortable when she left him tonight.  Chris called and he said that he was okay, a little frustrated with the TV, but alright.  Chris will visit him in the morning and take him some goodies, hopefully he's allowed to eat them.  We are blessed that he's close by and Meg works at the hospital where he is. 

My sister-in-law's sister, Nicole, returned to the hospital for emergency surgery today.  She was due for another round of chemo but that's clearly is on hold at this point.  Unfortunately, she is in Orlando and many miles from her sisters and parents. 

Please keep Allen, Nicole, and their medical teams in your prayers.

Birth, Life, Death, & Resurrection

We attended church this morning.  Ed, our priest, had a great sermon discussing the passing of Charlotte and his thoughts surrounding the experience.  He, the social worker and nurse from Noah's Children, Roger, and Rachel were the people with Charlotte when she took her last breath.  His sermon was about birth, life, death and resurrection.  He discussed the rebirth you experience at the death or end of something or someone.  It was a great sermon and Chris and I shed many tears.  Coincidentally, I hear Ian, who is supposed to be napping, singing "Frosty the Snowman" in his room.  Very neat.  Back to thoughts about Charlotte...  I was struck by a post on Chris's Facebook status.  Chris had put a status that included his feelings about the passing of Charlotte.  One of his friends wrote that he had not said a prayer in years and was going to pray for Charlotte tonight.  Maybe that's the meaning/purpose of the loss of a vibrant little girl.  I think I will be searching for the answer to "why" for a long time. 

Chris seems to be feeling better today.  He's required less headache medication and seems more "normal".  We went to Allen and Shirley's (Pop Pop and Mom Mom's) house in Heathsville, VA yesterday to visit.  It's about 1hr 30min from here.  I drove and the 3 others slept.  It was quiet, which is always a treat.  Ian loved Pop Pop's trains and enjoyed going down to see the creek/river.  Ruby had a great time exploring their house.  She loved coloring at the kitchen table, playing in the snow (stomping it w/ her pink boots), and playing with Mom Mom.  Mom Mom and Pop Pop prepared a nice dinner that we enjoyed.  I'm glad we made it because I think they are taking down all their Christmas decorations today.  Ruby was asleep in her carseat before we turned off of their road and Ian was asleep not too long after.  That's such a beautiful thing!  Chris dozed off and on.  Both kids then went to bed really well last night and slept well all night.  I first heard Ian around 7am which is sleeping in for him.  By the way, his bed was dry the last two mornings but his underwear wasn't.  I guess he's not getting to the potty soon enough when he gets out of bed.  But I can handle wet underwear more than wet sheets.  So, we'll see if we can make no pull-up a habit. 

Chris screamed at the Eagles a lot last night.  They were playing the Cowboys for the third time.  It was painful.  The only positive was when Vick came in and made a touchdown pass.  But the next time he came in the game he fumbled.  Geesh!  I went to bed at 10pm and was out!

Ian was sweet to Ruby this morning. She bumped her head and was whining about it. He went to the freezer to get her ice. He put it on her head and said, "there you go Little One." Very sweet. He really takes care of Ruby. He doesn't like to see her upset.

We were hoping Whitney, John, Lily, and Ben were going to come play today but it seems that Lily has been coughing a lot and Whitney doesn't want to expose us.  We could probably handle the bug but why risk it, especially when Chris is seeming to be feeling better. 

We're transitioning to 2nd shift tomorrow.  I know it is mainly Chris, but it's a big transition for all of us.  It means Chris does drop-off and I do pick-up.  And I'm a one woman show at night.  Chris's hours are 3-11 but they always seem like 2 -12:30 or so.  We'll see how long he stays in 2nd shift.  Thankfully, it's not 3rd shift (nightshift). 

Well, Ian just came out of his room and said he is done napping, which he never really did.  So, I guess my time is up.  Hopefully this means an early bedtime.

We are enjoying life and are blessed to have each other.

My Friday Off

I enjoyed my day off. 

Chris went to work this morning and he tried to keep Ian quiet so I could sleep a little longer.  He got an A for effort, but it didn't work.  I got ready for the day and got Miss Ruby up for breakfast. 

Ruby and Ian enjoyed looking out at the deck and seeing the snow.  We got a dusting of snow last night.  They both insisted on wearing their snow boots to school.  Ian took his school bus for show and tell so he "plowed" the sidewalk with the school bus before he got in the car for school. 

I then went to the grocery store to buy items for a couple of recipes I've wanted to try.  Then I came home and got sucked into email, Richmond Mommies, and Facebook.  There is so much support and love being expressed for Charlotte's family.  It really is remarkable how the community has joined together. 

I then went to get my eyebrows waxed (ouch!) and showed up at Ian and Ruby's school to have lunch w/ Ian.  I'm always torn about which child to spend lunch with but Ian at least understands that I'm going to leave him again but will be back to pick him up.  I also enjoy sitting at his table with him and chatting w/ his friends.  I shared macaroni and cheese, carrots, pineapple, and milk with Ian and his classmates.  I read Ian and his friends a book, The Gingerbread Boy, while his teacher got the cots ready and the children went to the restroom.  They were pretty attentive.  I felt good about Ian's teacher and he seems to be doing well.  I checked w/ the director and she said that Ruby was having a good day.  She'd been in the room dancing w/ Ruby earlier. 

I then left to take the Camry to be cleaned.  Chris has been feeling like the Camry is triggering his allergies since his headache has been worst Tues. and Wed. evenings on his drive home from work.  The 1995 Camry was a gift from my parents before Ruby was born and it has dust and animal hair (Molly's too) in it.  We've cleaned it before but some of those allergens are hard to get out.  It was time for a new vacuum and wash down.  It was a good opportunity to clean out all the children's daycare crafts and artwork that had accumulated in the backseat.  I took it to a place that washes the exterior and interior.  I made sure to tip 20% because it was cold and it is so nice to just pay someone to do it!

It was time for shopping.  I had a Kohl's gift and I need a new winter coat.  The old maroon Columbia coat that I bought in Boone, NC in 1997 (before the month-long twin study in NYC) needs to be retired.  I actually think it may be a men's coat.  Anyway, it's served me well and clearly, was a good investment.  But, I luckily found a purple (of course) winter coat that fits well and seems really warm.  And it was only $64.  So, I'll get to try it on my daily walks to and from the parking deck.  I try to wear my nice dress coat daily but recently, it's just been way too cold.    I also found a winter coat for Landen.  Meg has been looking for a new one for him for a while.  I also picked up a new baby gift for our friends, Gary and Terry, who live in Bellingham, Washington and had their second boy, little Winter on 1/1/10 at 12:01am. 

Then I made a quick run to Trader Joes for some of our TJ favorites.  I also picked up some red wine.  I'm enjoying it while I write.  :)

I then came home to start cooking one of my chicken recipes for dinner.  Chris came home and changed clothes.  He then went to pick up the kids from daycare.  He didn't seem to be feeling that good but took another headache pain medication and thought he'd feel better. 

Chris was frustrated when he got home w/ the children because Ian "did not want to go home" he told Chris he "wanted to go to something special".  That means Chick Fil A.  I'm not sure why he calls it that, it may be from us trying to not tell him where we're going when we're younger so he wouldn't drive us nuts w/ questions before we got there.  So we tried to be vague but he figured it out quicly enough.  We usually go on Tuesday evenings because we can get free kids meals.  So, Ian really likes to eat out and thinks we should go "somewhere special" every evening.  His protests to "going home" don't work but it makes for an unhappy ride across Rt. 1 to the house. 

I made a chicken recipe emailed to me by Kraft Foods. It was easy and yummy. The children really didn't eat it but Chris and I enjoyed it. And my wine went nicely with it.  Here it is:  http://www.kraftrecipes.com/kf/recipes/tuscan-chicken-simmer-111677.aspx?pf=true.  I substituted 1/3 fat cream cheese and whole wheat rotini for the fettuccine/ravioli. 

After dinner Chris gave Ruby a bath and put her in her PJs.  I did the dishes and Ian worked on a project.  I gave him a bunch of leftover envelopes and he started coloring pictures and putting in the envelopes for his family and friends at school.  It was really cute and kept him occupied.  Chris had said "no cartoons" earlier because of his behavior/attitude related to not going to "something special".  So, I was glad that he stayed busy.  Chris had sent Ruby downstairs to say goodnight to me but I realized that Chris was lying down.  We had a minor crisis with Ian trying to help Ruby downstairs that became an unattended push and Ruby started falling down the stairs.  Luckily she caught herself and I responded in enough time that she didn't hit the hardwood.  Ruby was scared and Ian was upset.  He sat in time out and cried.  Ruby cried.  Chris yelled from upstairs, "What's going on?"  I took Ruby to Chris to explain.  Chris tried to get up, lost his balance and fell into the dresser, I ordered him to lie back down.  I then went back to Ian.  He was so remorseful and worried about Ruby.  He's such a sensitive little boy and I love that he has a conscious and cares about others.  I reassured him that Ruby was okay, he said he was sorry and we moved on.  Lots of hugs.  Ian got back to work on his envelope project. 

Ruby and I read books.  She loves The Going to Bed Book and she says "exercise" at the right time.  It's so cute!  She hit the sack at 7pm and I didn't hear from her again.  She was sleepy tonight.

Ian then got ready for bed and we read 3 books, sang 3 songs and did prayers.  Then we had our "one last hug drama" but he eventually got quiet and fell asleep.  I realized that we were out of pull-ups so cross your fingers that he doesn't wet his bed tonight.  I'll be shocked if he doesn't and Mama will be doing a jig in the morning if he is dry!  No doubt. 

So, Chris is still asleep.  I'd hoped that we can go to Allen & Shirley's (my inlaw's) tomorrow but I'm not sure about Chris's health.  We'll make the call in the morning.  We want to see Pop Pop's trains before he takes down the Christmas decorations. 

We hope to get together with John, Whitney, Lily, and Ben on Sunday. 

Until the next adventure...